Letting go

I love watching shows about tiny houses. They are cute, simple and cozy. I wouldn't mind having one....and a separate one for my daughter next door.

The other day I was trying to organize a corner of the room. That corner turned into a huge project....AND I hurt my back moving things around....sheesh. But there was much more going on in that corner, even with throwing some things out. It became overwhelming.

Then I began wondering, if someone gave me a tiny house to move into, what would I take with me? I definitely can't take everything I own. The reality of it is that I need to get rid of stuff, a lot of stuff.

After trying the "letting go" process last year, that only took care of a very small portion of my belongings. Now it is time to get serious about simplifying my life.

Do I really need all ofbthe shoes and clothes I have? What books will I really read, if I haven't read them yet. Will Ibread what I have read over again? And how about all of these notebooks and journals? Now that is going to be hard since I collect journals. Maybe those will be the exception. See, I'm already losing focus.

It will be hard because I have to decide what am I only holding on to thinking some day I will use it again. Then I need to see what can I let go of that I though I was attached to. What a challenge!!! But to simplify my life, I have to simplify my space. I just have to keep telling myself that decluttering the home will declutter my mind and spirit.

I CAN DO THIS!!!

Reducing My Belongings - The Follow Up

Sooooooo I didn't reduce as much as I hoped. I did let go a good amount of things, but not enough that it takes care of the question I had before - where will I put my stuff. The rule was to keep what brings you joy. Too much of my things apparently give me joy.

Sadly this question goes for all of my things and I only tackled my clothes so far. AND I came across a bag that I still need to go through. Sigh

My daughter went through her clothes as well. She teased me because she finished in 2 hours and it took me days. My excuse is because I have had a longer life than she has.

Let me go through my things again. Maybe they don't bring me as much joy as I thought.

Reducing my belongings

I was in denial about this, but I have to admit that simple living involves letting go of things I no longer need. Sometimes it means people, but this time it is about items.

There is a bestselling book titled "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" by Marie Kondo. It is the art of Japanese organization. The author puts a spiritual aspect to cleaning where you hold an item in your hand to find out how it makes you feel. It helps to detach from things that. I decided to try this method to help me get rid of a lot of clutter in this small space I am living in.

The book says to start with clothes. Well, that is where I will start....and it is a really good start for me to let go of clothes that I haven't looked at in awhile.

Off to de-clutter.  Wish me luck.

Venus and Mars

After a conversation with my male friend, actually after many conversations, it is so clear how differently women process things than men. I know this isn't new news, but it is really time that we all stop being in denial about it.

Last night, my friend asked me about the show Big Bang Theory since I watch it regularly and he doesn't, and an episode was on. He asked if the guys had girlfriends. My response was in the latter seasons they do, but in episodes such as the one that was on they didn't. Well, my answer was too long for him. He wanted a simple yes or no. To me it required some explanation, but for him it required one word.

That brought about a debate, like other conversations, regarding how I respond. So I told him, again, that women deal in details. He said men do too but he was expecting me to answer how he wanted me to answer. I laughed and said he never responds how I want him to, so why expect that from me. It really is this - my answer may not be simple, but it really is simple just to know that. Boom

Although men and women have similarities, I think our socialized gender roles keep us at odds more than we should be. Men are just as sensitive as women, but modern society makes then handle it in interesting ways. We are upset and we let it out, no holding back. They are upset, they withdraw. If they do let it out, some how it ends up being our fault...lol. Our species is not new to their species, yet we still have complications getting along even after many many many many years.

Where our thoughts are also different. A man and a woman could be having a conversation, yet talking about two different things. This happens a lot with my brother. But let me use another conversation with my friend as an example. We were discussing another show I regularly watch (I need to cut back on my tv time) and he has seen a couple of episodes from a previous season. It is a reality show and I was explaining how the stars of the show are portrayed. As I was breaking down the different personalities, he made one of the stars the focus of the conversation. So I went more in depth about how she is on the show. He kept talking about her looks. That is when I said, "we really are having two different conversations." He laughed and agreed. Again, I was talking details and he was talking external appearances. The simple thinking of men.

But I had to realize it is that simple. Understand that I am not going to talk or think like a man and he is not going to talk or think like a woman. Once we get that understanding straight, then we are able to move on. How many arguments have men and women had that were so petty about something so small surrounding misunderstandings....too many. Relationships end over too many misunderstandings that could have been talked through. Relationships are harder than they have to be.

Men are beautiful creatures, but we have to understand that we will not always be on the same page and we can't hold that against them....well not all if the time :-)

I tried a menstrual cup.....tmi

In a previous post, I talked about trying cloth menstrual pads. I figured I would try a menstrual cup. I researched several and decided to try the Softcup. It is cheaper than other cups just in case I didn't feel comfortable wearing it. Softcups are cheaper since they are not meant to last for longer than one cycle. Ummmmmm.........me being me, I see through marketing and believe these cups can be used for more than one cycle because the material they are made of are safe and durable. Also, another difference with the Softcups is they are supposed to be able to stay in while having sex.

I asked people if they tried menstrual cups and the few who have, have all used the softcups. There are disposable and reusable. They look the same, but the resuable are thicker it seems. It seems the disposables are available in local pharmacy stores, but I didn't find the reusables (they come in a box of 2) and had to order them online.

My experience with the Softcup was pretty good, for the most part. It wasn't messy, but you definitely have to be very very very comfortable with your girl parts. As for the grossness, I figure if you have a cycle, you should be used to seeing your own blood, whether you use pads or tampons. Maybe I am gross, but I was fascinated with seeing how much was coming out of my uterus..........ok, that does sound gross.

I wore pantyliners and pads just to make sure there were no accidents. I only had a problem on my heavy day. And my heavy days are HEAVY. That was the only day I had any spotting, but I wore my cloth pads and was prepared. The cup didn't fill up, but I have issues with clots that bring a lot of bleeding. Some months have been so bad that my disposable pad was full after about an hour and a half. But with the cup, I had to check it often, but it was still much better than using a pad. My spotting was nothing compared to a full pad. Even overnight I woke up with spotting instead of a full pad.

The Softcup was comfortable and easy to put in and take out. The size of it made me intimidated so I read the instructions over and over and over. I saw some reviews where people had a hard time taking it out. I honestly believe it was because they did not do as the instructions said. Softcups even have videos with visuals on inserting and removing them. But let me say again, you will need to be very very very comfortable with touching your girl parts.

I have read comments from people saying they won't use menstrual cups because of their heavy flow. But the way I see it, you have to change your pad or tampon often, do the same with the cup. The cup is much safer material than disposable anything. But I get it...people get used to something and feel inconvenienced to change a routine.

So basically, I am feeling the Softcup (no pun intended).  And I will continue to use it. I do plan to try one of the bell shape cups. I will share that info once I try it.

Oh I forgot to mention.......This is soooooo inexpensive. The box of 2 cups was $4.99. A win for the simple cheap girl!!!!

I Love DIY!!!!!

I am one of those people that likes to make things. The things I sell in my business started from me wanting something and deciding to make it myself, versus finding the right one to buy from someone else. I will admit that part of me being so creative is because I am cheap.  I believe in stretching a dollar for real.

In my BC (before child) days, I used to love to shop. But event then, I would go from store to store to find the best deals. Because I was all about making my money stretch, I preferred to shop alone since I would go to stores more than once to determine what I could get the absolute best deals for. And now I know the secret to saving money - make my own. I wanted waist beads, I made my own. I wanted a good moisturizer, I made my own. I wanted a big bag, I made my own.

Another reason I make my own things is because I am below average height. So pants are always too long on me, but sadly I gotten used to it. But as I gained more weight, finding well fitting clothes became even harder. I love the maxi skirt look, but to buy one that is cute, fits in the waist and a length that won't make me trip is not an easy thing. The same with finding cute wide leg pants. Now with me being so "petite," wearing long and wide bottoms probably make me look even shorter. But I don't care since I embrace my shortness :-). I learned how to sew when I was in the 8th grade and it is funny how many years later (many many) I absolutely love it. I get frustrated now when I don't have fabric to make anything. Then again, that's what scraps are for.

The theme of this blog is simple living. I know for some people making your own things is definitely not simple. It can be time consuming and we do live in a busy society. But for me I get to save money and can make things to my liking and my fit. This for me is simplicity. There are so many resources out there. Thanks to a youtube video, I was able to fix our washing machine. If I decided to make a dresser, I can do it. I so love it!!

If you are interested in making clothes, here are some of my favorite diy'ers:
https://www.youtube.com/user/mimigoodwin2
https://www.youtube.com/user/tglashen
https://www.youtube.com/user/ThreadBanger
https://www.youtube.com/user/BritxBrat2Fashion

Changing Your Expectations

Too often we are disappointed because things do not turn out how we expect.  From the situation we feel hurt, sadness, anger, and other emotions to bring on a negative energy.  Things not going our way can be hard to accept and we tend to place blame on things or people outside of ourselves.  The truth is though there may be outside forces involved, we cannot ignore our part in the whole thing and our part may be high expectations.

Expectations should not be confused with standards.  Standards determine what we will and will not accept. Having standards is a way of displaying a belief about something and a knowing that you do not deserve less than what you believe in.  Expectations involves what we think should happen or how we think someone should act or react.  How many times have we expected someone to do us a favor just because we would do it for them? Often expectation is wanting or needing things to be done based on your belief system or personality without regarding someone else’s beliefs or personality. Our standards should not be lowered in order to lower our expectations.  For example, if we have standards in what we are looking for in a mate (career, religious beliefs, finances, goals, looks) we should not have the expectation that we will be married within a few months of meeting the ideal mate by assuming the other person will move at the same pace.  Then we will be disappointed because it does not happen when we think it should.

There are a few things to understand about changing expectations.

1. The first thing we have to admit to ourselves is that everyone does not think exactly as we do.  We are all individuals and we like to be treated as such.  Just because you try to make it to everyone else’s special

functions, you should not expect everyone to always make it to your functions.  Becoming angry at a friend that does not show up is an emotional reaction to your expectation. Without the expectation that your friend will absolutely be there for you, you will not feel as bad about their no show.

2. Stop being attached to an outcome, especially when it involves someone else.  Outside forces have their own plan and we have to understand this.  How we see things happening may not be in the best interest of someone else or could make things out of order.

3. Sometimes expectation means wanting someone to change who they are.  What you may see as a flaw could just be who they are.  Here is where expectations get confused with standards.  No, you do not have to accept negative treatment or behavior from someone else such as disrespect or abuse.  This is not supposed to be a part of changing expectations, but a part of protecting your self-esteem and love of self.  Changing expectations means not looking for someone to be a perfect cook when you knew that is not a part of who they are when you met them.  If someone’s actions are hurting you, then maybe you should examine or establish standards.  If someone’s actions are a reflection of their personality, then you should not EXPECT them to do something out of character.

4. Changing expectations is about expecting level one or even zero to happen.  This is easier said than done. But imagine a great surprise when you expect nothing from someone and they show up with the best gift you have ever received.  If you expected it, then your level of surprise will not be as big.

5. Without big expectations, we are able to have more appreciation for things. If you ask someone for $100 and they give you $1,000, your gratitude will be at a higher level and makes life seem more pleasant to live in.  Letting go of high expectations can bring more peace within.  It alters how you view people and situations by lessening frustration when things do not work out how you EXPECTED.  Changing expectations is not about changing your goals to have positive outcomes.  It is about changing how you view the role of outside forces, whether small or large.

Continue with your beliefs and your understanding of how you do things. But it is time to give others a break and try to see things from their eyes.  You will feel better about how you handle things and let loose of the high expectations you place on others by not dictating how they should act.