Changing Your Expectations

Too often we are disappointed because things do not turn out how we expect.  From the situation we feel hurt, sadness, anger, and other emotions to bring on a negative energy.  Things not going our way can be hard to accept and we tend to place blame on things or people outside of ourselves.  The truth is though there may be outside forces involved, we cannot ignore our part in the whole thing and our part may be high expectations.

Expectations should not be confused with standards.  Standards determine what we will and will not accept. Having standards is a way of displaying a belief about something and a knowing that you do not deserve less than what you believe in.  Expectations involves what we think should happen or how we think someone should act or react.  How many times have we expected someone to do us a favor just because we would do it for them? Often expectation is wanting or needing things to be done based on your belief system or personality without regarding someone else’s beliefs or personality. Our standards should not be lowered in order to lower our expectations.  For example, if we have standards in what we are looking for in a mate (career, religious beliefs, finances, goals, looks) we should not have the expectation that we will be married within a few months of meeting the ideal mate by assuming the other person will move at the same pace.  Then we will be disappointed because it does not happen when we think it should.

There are a few things to understand about changing expectations.

1. The first thing we have to admit to ourselves is that everyone does not think exactly as we do.  We are all individuals and we like to be treated as such.  Just because you try to make it to everyone else’s special

functions, you should not expect everyone to always make it to your functions.  Becoming angry at a friend that does not show up is an emotional reaction to your expectation. Without the expectation that your friend will absolutely be there for you, you will not feel as bad about their no show.

2. Stop being attached to an outcome, especially when it involves someone else.  Outside forces have their own plan and we have to understand this.  How we see things happening may not be in the best interest of someone else or could make things out of order.

3. Sometimes expectation means wanting someone to change who they are.  What you may see as a flaw could just be who they are.  Here is where expectations get confused with standards.  No, you do not have to accept negative treatment or behavior from someone else such as disrespect or abuse.  This is not supposed to be a part of changing expectations, but a part of protecting your self-esteem and love of self.  Changing expectations means not looking for someone to be a perfect cook when you knew that is not a part of who they are when you met them.  If someone’s actions are hurting you, then maybe you should examine or establish standards.  If someone’s actions are a reflection of their personality, then you should not EXPECT them to do something out of character.

4. Changing expectations is about expecting level one or even zero to happen.  This is easier said than done. But imagine a great surprise when you expect nothing from someone and they show up with the best gift you have ever received.  If you expected it, then your level of surprise will not be as big.

5. Without big expectations, we are able to have more appreciation for things. If you ask someone for $100 and they give you $1,000, your gratitude will be at a higher level and makes life seem more pleasant to live in.  Letting go of high expectations can bring more peace within.  It alters how you view people and situations by lessening frustration when things do not work out how you EXPECTED.  Changing expectations is not about changing your goals to have positive outcomes.  It is about changing how you view the role of outside forces, whether small or large.

Continue with your beliefs and your understanding of how you do things. But it is time to give others a break and try to see things from their eyes.  You will feel better about how you handle things and let loose of the high expectations you place on others by not dictating how they should act.